Chocolate Chip Muffies


It’s time I tell you about Muffie.


She’s just a girl, like you and me.


Except she happens to be my alter ego and is named after the good part of a muffin.


You see, in college, all of my friends had really funny alter egos with unique personalities who would appear at different times. I was just always Rachel. Boring ‘ole Rachel. UNTIL one day while dining at a Panera Bread before a Gavin DeGraw concert at the local casino, my pals and I spotted a tray of lil muffies sitting in the window. I locked eyes with the muffin top delights, and just knew. I AM Muffie, Muffie is me – pillowy, sweet, full of chocolate chips, soft edges, slightly pretentious. And so, it was there in that chain restaurant that Muffie was born.


Like the dessert she’s named for, Muffie is really the best version of myself.


Time: 40 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 12


  • 1 ripe banana, mashed
  • 1/2 cup of melted vegan butter
  • 1/3 cup of coconut sugar
  • 1 tbsp. of vanilla extract
  • 1/2 tbsp. of agave
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1/2 tsp. of baking soda
  • 1/2 tsp. of nutmeg
  • 1/2 tsp. of cinnamon
  • 1 3/4 cup of all-purpose flour
  • 2/3 cup of vegan chocolate chips

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 355 degrees
  • In a bowl, combine banana + butter + sugar + extract + agave until creamy
  • Stir in salt + baking soda + nutmeg + cinnamon
  • Fold in half of the flour, combine
  • Fold in rest of the flour until fully combined
  • Fold in 3/4 of the chocolate chips
  • On a lined baking sheet, scoop a heaping amount of batter with a cookie scoop + arrange, repeat
  • Top with remaining chocolate chips
  • Bake 14-15 minutes + let cool slightly
  • Serve
  • Sneak down to the kitchen late at night + eat all of these in the dark like the chocolate monster you are



Adapted from here!


Grilled PB + Banana + Tempeh Bacon Sammies



Sometimes I surprise myself.


By how little I know about things I should have been taught in middle school.


Exhibit A: Garr and I were watching Planet Earth last night. All sorts of animals were doing all sorts of things. About 18 times, I thought to myself, “Didn’t know penguins did that” or “Wow, who knew goats could do that?” Garr’s favorite was when I made the mistake of thinking out loud, “Huh, I didn’t know bears hung out in snow-covered mountains.”


Then, today’s top news story is the plummeting stock market. I’m listening and I’m like, yes, yes, I’m following. Down = bad; up = good. Simple enough. Then, they start really diving into it… Percentages, points, men in ill-fitting suits running around with little notepads. I find myself thinking, “Do I even know what the stock market really is……….???”


I have other valuable knowledge, though, like TV, some books and vegan foods.




Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4 sammies


  • 12 slices of ezekiel bread
  • 1 1/2 cups of natural PB
  • 1 banana, sliced thin
  • 1 cup of raspberry preserves
  • 1 package of tempeh, sliced in thin strips
  • 1 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 3 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of agave
  • 2 tsp. of liquid smoke
  • 1 tsp. of hot sauce
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1/2 tsp. of chili powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • Vegan butter, for grilling sammies

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine soy sauce + 1 tbsp. of olive oil + agave + liquid smoke + hot sauce + cumin + chili powder + some S+P
  • Arrange tempeh slices in a dish + pour marinade over, let them sit for 20 minutes
  • Heat remaining olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Arrange tempeh slices in a single layer, cook for 2-3 minutes, flip + cook another 2 minutes, remove + put on a plate
  • To build sammies, spread some softened vegan butter on two slices of bread
  • On the unbuttered sides, spread some preserves + on one slice of bread + some PB on another, top PB slice with banana + bacon, put the two together, repeat with remaining sammies
  • Heat some butter in a skillet over low-medium heat, grill sammies for 3-4 minutes on each side
  • Serve warm
  • Put on gloves before handling because the ooey gooey goodness of this melty PB is gonna get all over you


Bacon from here!

Blueberry + Banana Bowl

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I burned off my taste buds.

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Not from food that is too temperature hot, but from food that has been soaking in Asian chili peppers for 40 years + then takes a bubble bath in red pepper flakes.

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It’s this local Chinese restaurant. They have this fried rice dish that has a literal disclaimer on it for being so spicy. Do I order it every time? Yes. Do I always regret? Most obviously.

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The past couple of times I’ve ordered this I’ve been a little disappointed. It just hasn’t been as spicy as my wretched body has become accustomed to. So I order it last night, thinking, “Eh, it’ll be ~mild~.” It comes to the table. I’m pleasantly surprised by the looks of things – red pepper flakes allllll up in this bowl. I’m ready – mentally and physically (loose dress). I get about half way through and the usual sweating happens. Two glasses of water & I’m fine, a champ. I finish the meal. Like, I eat every bite of this monster fried rice. Then the dizziness sets in. I am on another planet. A planet I think must be similar to hell because there are flames and dragons everywhere. The sweat is now coming out of my head, as in the top of my hair is damp. I rub my tongue on the roof of my mouth and realize it’s all numb and there are probably no longer taste buds there.

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So I’ll be going back next week.



Time: 20 minutes (prep + blending) | Serves: 1-2


  • 2 cups of frozen blueberries
  • 1 banana, sliced
  • 1/2 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 1 1/2 cups of skim milk
  • Banana, for topping
  • Blueberries, for topping
  • Granola, for topping

How to:

  • Combine frozen blueberries + sliced banana + vanilla + milk in a blender or bullet
  • Blend until smooth
  • Pour into a bowl + top with bananas + blueberries + granola
  • Hold breath + dive face-first into bowl + enjoy luxurious smoothie facial


Pulled this one out of a magazine, but can’t remember which one – I’m fun!!!