Spring Pasta Salad

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I have the music in me.

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In that, it’s trapped inside of me & I can’t help but belt tunes at the top of my lungs at all hours of the day despite sharing walls with neighbors.

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So I’m channeling my energy into a new hobby: I am going to teach myself to play the guitar.

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Turns out it’s like really difficult. I was trying to learn some v basic chords the other day and thought I was going to break my fingers. I went to yoga the next morning and my left hand cramped so badly I almost collapsed. Is this normal? Anyways, I really suck. First, my guitar needs to be tuned. Having less than no experience, I do not know how to fix this on my own. I just keep twisting the knobby things and plucking and I stop when my ears stop bleeding. Second, I think I should chop off my fingernails??? They seem to inhibit me. Third, I need a kewl strap and a microphone stand so I can stand in front of the mirror and strum while performing for myself. This is all I really want to do tbh. Put on concerts for myself and keep the delusion alive that I am jam packed full of hidden talent and at any moment an agent will walk into my bedroom (if this happened, I should prob be concerned for my safety) and whisk me to Hollywood and I will grace the cover of a couple of major magazines and have a sitcom written around my life. I digress.

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If all else fails, I’ll just dramatically bust the guitar and crowd surf off the stage and into my imaginary audience.

 

 

Time: 30 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup of pasta
  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 1 english cucumber, sliced thin
  • 6 mini sweet peppers, sliced thin
  • 8 mini multi-colored carrots, sliced thin
  • 3 radishes, peeled + sliced thin
  • 4 cups of arugula
  • 5 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Juice of 1 lemon
  • 1 tsp. of dijon mustard
  • 1 tsp. of agave
  • S+P, to taste
  • Hemp seeds, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Arrange chickpeas on a lined baking sheet, bake 15 minutes
  • Remove from oven + drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P, bake another 15 minutes
  • Meanwhile, cook pasta to al dente, drain
  • Meanwhile, meanwhile, whisk together remaining olive oil + lemon juice + dijon + agave + S+P
  • To serve, combine arugula + pasta + chickpeas + cucumber + peppers + carrots + radishes + drizzle with vinaigrette
  • Serve chilled or room temp
  • Take a small broom + brush plate contents into mouth to avoid leaving any crumbs behind

 

Adapted from here!

Buffalo Chickpea Burritos

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What kind of backwoods, boonies town do I live in that we just got recycling cans like yesterday??

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For months, my plastics and cardboard have gone into the TRASH.

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The deforestation and pollution I must have caused. I shudder!

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To make up for the many trees I undoubtedly destroyed, I decided to take a couple of proactive measures. First, I purchased a reusable straw. These are very in right now. It came in a stylish lil pink container with an easy cleaning tool! I used it like 4 times and every time I whipped it out I felt like an environmental crusader, just doing my part one sip at a time. Then I left it at a restaurant, obviously. To compensate, I offered to take the recyclables home after volunteering at church on Sunday. We’re leaving and I throw a giant trash bag full of milk cartons over my shoulder. Garr stops in his tracks and is like, “What are you doing….?” I explained and he is all, no, nope, not happening, we are not starting this. Apparently, he thinks taking recyclables from church might be a gateway drug. Like, eventually I’ll start calling random restaurants and offering to pick up their salvageable materials.

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Ha! He’s funny. I’m not ready for that, I’m still working on my spreadsheet of local shops that don’t recycle.

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-5

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of cooked chickpeas
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 roma tomato, diced
  • 1 cup of carrots, shredded
  • 1/2 cup of cabbage, shredded
  • 1 avocado, diced
  • 1 cup of buffalo sauce
  • 1 tsp. of onion powder
  • 1 tsp of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Tortillas, for serving

How to:

  • Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook for 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add chickpeas + onion powder + garlic powder + paprika + cumin + chili powder + S+P, cook 4-5 minutes or until starting to crisp
  • Add buffalo sauce, coat + cook another 2 minutes
  • To serve, lay out a warmed up tortilla on a flat surface, top with chickpeas + tomato + carrots + cabbage + avocado
  • Roll up, folding the sides in as you go, until you have a nice lil burrito baby
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Hold burrito in both hands, length wise, and nibble on it like a corn on the cob, terrifying all your pals

Broccoli Cheddah Soup

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I’m up to 2.5 packs a day.

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Of gum. I need an intervention.

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I don’t know where I went wrong. I mean, I’ve always loved gum. Who doesn’t? It’s chewy and tasty and fun to play with and you can make bubbles and it keeps your mouth moist and your breath fresh.

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Sometime in the last 6 months, I’ve stopped just like picking up a pack at the checkout counter when the nice displays remind me. I started adding it to my weekly grocery list. Then, I started grabbing a couple of 3-packs at a time, so as not to run out. I began to chew more because I had more. Half a pack a day turned into a whole pack, a whole pack turned into 2, and here we are. Drowning in gum debt. The first 90 seconds with a piece of gum are just pure ecstasy. I go through the gum so fast because I’m trying to achieve ultimate nirvana by having any one piece provide the utter delight I’m after for more than 90 seconds. Yes, I sound like a drug addict. Yes, I’m ashamed. Lately, I’ve been having these terrible stomach aches. Like, I haven’t eaten anything weird(er than usual), but all of a sudden my stomach balloons & is hard as a friggin’ rock. I’ve had to leave three restaurants with my pants unbuttoned now and soon I’ll be banned from eating out in this town. Well, PLOT TWIST, gum causes bloating! Especially when you binge chew two packs in 1.5 hours like I do. Wooo. So now I have to cut back. Detox. Whatever.

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It’s already having positive effects, though, like this jaw pain I’d been feeling suddenly disappeared, huh, who woulda thunk it?

 

 

Time: 1.5 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

  • 5 heads of broccoli, cut into florets
  • 1 white onion, chopped
  • 1 large carrot, peeled + chopped
  • 2 celery ribs, diced
  • 1 medium russet potato, chopped
  • 4 cups of vegetable stock
  • 2 tbsp. of plain nondairy milk
  • 4 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1/2 cup of cashews, soaked overnight or at least 30 minutes + drained
  • 2 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • 2 tsp. of apple cider vinegar
  • 1 tbsp. of lemon juice
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Arrange broccoli on 2 lined baking sheets
  • Drizzle each sheet with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P
  • Roast 25 minutes, tossing once
  • Meanwhile, heat another tbsp. of olive oil in a large stock pot over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add carrots + celery, cook 2-3 minutes
  • Add potato + S+P, cook 5-6 minutes
  • Meanwhile, pulse cashews in a food processor until fine
  • Add milk + nutritional yeast + apple cider vinegar +  1/2 the veggie mix to the food processor + combine until smooth
  • Add back to the pot + add most of the broccoli, reserving a lil to top soups, stir to combine
  • Add broth, bring to a boil, reduce the heat + let simmer 25-30 minutes
  • Meanwhile arrange chickpeas on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with the remaining olive oil + some S+P
  • Roast for 20 minutes
  • Remove the soup from the heat + using an immersion blender (or blender), blend your soup allllll up until smooth to your desire
  • Add lemon juice + crushed red pepper + some S+P
  • Serve hot with roasted broccoli + chickpeas
  • Take the reusable straw I know your granola behind has + stick it in the soup + slurp to your heart’s delight