Buffalo Chickpea Burritos

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What kind of backwoods, boonies town do I live in that we just got recycling cans like yesterday??

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For months, my plastics and cardboard have gone into the TRASH.

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The deforestation and pollution I must have caused. I shudder!

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To make up for the many trees I undoubtedly destroyed, I decided to take a couple of proactive measures. First, I purchased a reusable straw. These are very in right now. It came in a stylish lil pink container with an easy cleaning tool! I used it like 4 times and every time I whipped it out I felt like an environmental crusader, just doing my part one sip at a time. Then I left it at a restaurant, obviously. To compensate, I offered to take the recyclables home after volunteering at church on Sunday. We’re leaving and I throw a giant trash bag full of milk cartons over my shoulder. Garr stops in his tracks and is like, “What are you doing….?” I explained and he is all, no, nope, not happening, we are not starting this. Apparently, he thinks taking recyclables from church might be a gateway drug. Like, eventually I’ll start calling random restaurants and offering to pick up their salvageable materials.

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Ha! He’s funny. I’m not ready for that, I’m still working on my spreadsheet of local shops that don’t recycle.

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-5

Ingredients:

  • 2 cups of cooked chickpeas
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 roma tomato, diced
  • 1 cup of carrots, shredded
  • 1/2 cup of cabbage, shredded
  • 1 avocado, diced
  • 1 cup of buffalo sauce
  • 1 tsp. of onion powder
  • 1 tsp of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Tortillas, for serving

How to:

  • Heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook for 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add chickpeas + onion powder + garlic powder + paprika + cumin + chili powder + S+P, cook 4-5 minutes or until starting to crisp
  • Add buffalo sauce, coat + cook another 2 minutes
  • To serve, lay out a warmed up tortilla on a flat surface, top with chickpeas + tomato + carrots + cabbage + avocado
  • Roll up, folding the sides in as you go, until you have a nice lil burrito baby
  • Repeat with remaining ingredients
  • Hold burrito in both hands, length wise, and nibble on it like a corn on the cob, terrifying all your pals

Broccoli Cheddah Soup

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I’m up to 2.5 packs a day.

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Of gum. I need an intervention.

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I don’t know where I went wrong. I mean, I’ve always loved gum. Who doesn’t? It’s chewy and tasty and fun to play with and you can make bubbles and it keeps your mouth moist and your breath fresh.

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Sometime in the last 6 months, I’ve stopped just like picking up a pack at the checkout counter when the nice displays remind me. I started adding it to my weekly grocery list. Then, I started grabbing a couple of 3-packs at a time, so as not to run out. I began to chew more because I had more. Half a pack a day turned into a whole pack, a whole pack turned into 2, and here we are. Drowning in gum debt. The first 90 seconds with a piece of gum are just pure ecstasy. I go through the gum so fast because I’m trying to achieve ultimate nirvana by having any one piece provide the utter delight I’m after for more than 90 seconds. Yes, I sound like a drug addict. Yes, I’m ashamed. Lately, I’ve been having these terrible stomach aches. Like, I haven’t eaten anything weird(er than usual), but all of a sudden my stomach balloons & is hard as a friggin’ rock. I’ve had to leave three restaurants with my pants unbuttoned now and soon I’ll be banned from eating out in this town. Well, PLOT TWIST, gum causes bloating! Especially when you binge chew two packs in 1.5 hours like I do. Wooo. So now I have to cut back. Detox. Whatever.

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It’s already having positive effects, though, like this jaw pain I’d been feeling suddenly disappeared, huh, who woulda thunk it?

 

 

Time: 1.5 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

  • 5 heads of broccoli, cut into florets
  • 1 white onion, chopped
  • 1 large carrot, peeled + chopped
  • 2 celery ribs, diced
  • 1 medium russet potato, chopped
  • 4 cups of vegetable stock
  • 2 tbsp. of plain nondairy milk
  • 4 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1/2 cup of cashews, soaked overnight or at least 30 minutes + drained
  • 2 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • 2 tsp. of apple cider vinegar
  • 1 tbsp. of lemon juice
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Arrange broccoli on 2 lined baking sheets
  • Drizzle each sheet with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P
  • Roast 25 minutes, tossing once
  • Meanwhile, heat another tbsp. of olive oil in a large stock pot over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add carrots + celery, cook 2-3 minutes
  • Add potato + S+P, cook 5-6 minutes
  • Meanwhile, pulse cashews in a food processor until fine
  • Add milk + nutritional yeast + apple cider vinegar +  1/2 the veggie mix to the food processor + combine until smooth
  • Add back to the pot + add most of the broccoli, reserving a lil to top soups, stir to combine
  • Add broth, bring to a boil, reduce the heat + let simmer 25-30 minutes
  • Meanwhile arrange chickpeas on a lined baking sheet, drizzle with the remaining olive oil + some S+P
  • Roast for 20 minutes
  • Remove the soup from the heat + using an immersion blender (or blender), blend your soup allllll up until smooth to your desire
  • Add lemon juice + crushed red pepper + some S+P
  • Serve hot with roasted broccoli + chickpeas
  • Take the reusable straw I know your granola behind has + stick it in the soup + slurp to your heart’s delight

Miso Veggie Noodles

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Why must I be so incredibly thoughtful?

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It’s really throwing a giant wrench smackdab in the middle of my bank account.

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It’s been my new year’s resolution every year since I can remember that I’m going to be more thoughtful. No longer will I yell “My presence is your present!” at my family when it’s my turn to pass out Christmas gifts.

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So this Christmas, I’ve done something I’ve never done before – purchased real gifts! Not just grab a bottle of wine on the way to the party or craft a last minute coupon book like a 7-year-old, I actually, like, went to stores and perused shelves for things I thought my humans might enjoy. There’s a lot of stuff out there when you aren’t totally self-centered and a major cheap-o! Soon, though, it became an addiction. If I left a store empty handed, I would curse the proprietor for not having equal parts useful and humorous gift options at a sensible price. I felt so defeated the other day after not checking everything off my list, I pouted and cried the rest of the evening.

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I’ve really mastered the “reason for the season” thing.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 2 zucchini, spiralized
  • 2 beets, peeled + spiralized or shredded
  • 1 cup of matchstick carrots or 2 carrots, peeled + shreeded
  • 1 cup of snap peas
  • 1 package of tempeh, cubed
  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 1/2 cup of sesame miso
  • 2 tbsp. of fresh ginger, minced
  • Juice of 1 lime
  • 2 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp. of rice vinegar
  • 2 tsp. of toasted sesame oil
  • 1/2 cup + 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste
  • Cilantro, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • In a bowl, combine half of the miso + half the ginger + juice of 1/2 the lime + half the soy sauce + half the rice vinegar + half the toasted sesame oil + 1/4 cup of the olive oil, whisk well
  • Add tempeh to the dressing + coat, marinate 10 minutes
  • Meanwhile, mix up the other half of the dressing ingredients, set aside
  • On a lined baking sheet, spread chickpeas into an even layer
  • Drizzle with 1 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P, bake 20-25 minutes, tossing once in the middle of cooking
  • Meanwhile, heat the remaining tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add marinated tempeh, cook for 6-8 minutes, browning on all sides
  • Remove from pan + add snap peas, cook 3-4 minutes, remove
  • To serve, combine all veggie noodles in a bowl with tempeh + chickpeas + snap peas + cilantro + toss with dressing
  • Crunch + slurp on your noodles while simultaneously rocking around your Christmas tree

 

Dressing adapted from here!