Cauliflower Soup

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Am I the last human on planet earth who enjoys grocery shopping?

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I’ve certainly gotta be the last millennial to write out a grocery list on PAPER and spend my precious time physically walking through a store picking out my own groceries using the dangly limbs hanging off of my body.

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I just find it so therapeutic. Moseying through the aisles armed with my re-usable produce bags and a plan. It’s thrilling.

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Errbody be doing these apps where the grocery store peeps bag the groceries and bring them to the cart for them. Perhaps it’s my deep-rooted trust issues, but I could never allow a stranger to pick out my produce! First, there is the issue of hygiene. I’m sure the grocery store employs fine, showered people, but I just can’t be sure those mitts are clean. Also, do these apps allow you to apply notes with your selections? Like, if I need 8 avocados, can I specify I need 2 super ripe ones and 6 others that are like straight from the tree? Are they required to consult the expiration dates or do they pass the slightly fuzzy berries on the app shoppers? Once they bring the food to my car, do I get to squeeze and sniff all of it before I’m stuck with it? I can’t be expected to drive off with any ‘ole avocado! I just have a lot of questions.

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Though I would avoid debacles like this weekend when I left a bag full of onions and eggplants at the checkout, got home, threw away the receipt, took out the trash and THEN realized I did not have said onions and eggplants.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

  • 2 heads of cauliflower, cut into florets
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 4 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 4 tbsp. of olive oil + more for serving (if desired)
  • 1/4 cup of capers, patted dry
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Cilantro for serving

How to:

  • Preheat broiler
  • Arrange cauliflower on two lined baking sheets + drizzle each with a tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P
  • Place on the middle oven rack + broil for 20 minutes
  • Meanwhile, heat another tbsp. of olive oil in a stock pot over medium heat
  • Add onion, cook 4-5 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add all but a lil bit of the cauliflower (this is to top your soups with + give a lil texture), toss + cook for 2 minutes
  • Add 6 cups of water + crushed red pepper + S+P, bring to a boil, lower heat + simmer for 30 minutes
  • Meanwhile, heat remaining olive oil in a lil skillet over medium heat
  • Add the dry capers + cook for 2-3 minutes, remove + let cool
  • Turn soup off heat + blend with an immersion blender until smooth + creamy
  • Serve warm with cauliflower bits + capers + cilantro + a lil extra oil if desired
  • Slurp this puppy down + lick the bowl clean like the filthy mongrel you really are

Lentil Loaf

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I wish you all could be in my kitchen with me on blog meal making days.

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My husband would strongly advise against it, but I think it would really give you a glimpse at the real ~me~.

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It’s basically just a lot of organized chaos minus any semblance of organization.

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I’m such a neat and tidy person in all other areas of my life. But when the weekend rolls around and I step into my kitchen ready to do WORK, all rules fly out the window. First of all, I look reallllyyyyy cute while cooking. My best sweats are on, hair on top of my head, and I’ve found wiping food on my clothes vs. a rag or paper towel is highly efficient and better for the environment. Beyond that, there is food on every surface, cutting boards all over the place, pots & pans are bubbling and occasionally overflowing, and a perfect trail of crumbs will lead you from the kitchen to my photo station every daggum time. I’m a monster! There is no such thing as cleaning as you go in these circumstances. It’s all about survival. Garrett has literally had to start busying himself while I’m working on recipes. Like, leave the house. He cannot handle the leaning tower of dirty dishes I construct in record breaking times.

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Once it’s safe for Garrett to return home, I always tell him what I’ve made and without fail his response is, “OMG, that sounds disgusting, when can I put it in my mouth?”

 

 

Time: 2 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup of dry lentils, rinsed
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1 carrot, peeled + sliced thin
  • 2 celery sticks, sliced thin
  • 1 red bell pepper, diced
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1/2 cup of breadcrumbs
  • 1/2 cup of rolled oats
  • 2 tbsp. of tomato paste
  • 1 tbsp. of BBQ sauce
  • 1 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 2 tbsp. of fresh parsley
  • 1 tbsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • 1 tsp. of ranch seasoning
  • 1 tsp. of chipotle chili powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Ketchup

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • Cook lentils according to package directions, drain
  • Meanwhile, heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add carrots + celery + red bell pepper + S+P, cook another 4-5 minutes
  • In a food processor, combine lentils + sauteed veggies + breadcrumbs + oats + tomato paste + BBQ sauce + soy sauce + parsley + crushed red pepper + cumin + oregano + ranch seasoning + chipotle chili powder, process until well combined
  • Spray a loaf pan with nonstick seasoning
  • Spread your lentil mix in an even layer in the loaf pan
  • Bake 40 minutes
  • Spread with some ketchup + bake for another 10 minutes
  • Serve hot w/ favie sides
  •  If feeling full of sorrow, feel empowered to drown them in as many helpings of lentil loaf it takes to feel happy + whole

 

Recipe adapted from here!

Fig Jam Pizza

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I wish I was 13 years old again and my greatest joy in life was learning a new cheat code in The Sims.

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I wasn’t a cool 13-year-old, OK?

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If I could calculate it, I’d likely discover I spent the better part of my adolescence behind a giant Dell computer screen making fictional families comprised of me, my school crushes and lots of children with my favorite names at the time – Juliet, Katarina, Trevor, etc.

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I’d build extravagant houses and paint all of the walls hot pink and lime green and fill the backyard with like 6 hot tubs. My character’s career path was ALWAYS music and I mastered the guitar in like 3 days and painted in my spare time. I always made my husband (better known as my 7th grade flavor of the week) a doctor and when, in real life, I decided I was totally over him and/or he got a girlfriend (more likely the case), I would make him cheat on me in the game so I could slap him and kick him out. Learning healthy relationship skills from the jump.

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The best was when I’d get bored with a family so I’d put them all in the house, remove the doors and watch them go nuts.

 

 

Time: 2 hours (prep + cooking) | Serves: 1 pizza

Ingredients:

  • 2 lbs of figs, ends trimmed + sliced thin
  • 1 1/2 cup of sugar
  • 1/2 cup of lemon juice
  • 1 pizza crust
  • 2 cups of arugula
  • 1 onion, sliced thin
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • In a bowl, combine figs + sugar, coat + let sit for 15 minutes, stirring occassionally
  • Transfer figs to a pot + add lemon juice + 1 cup of water, bring to a boil
  • Turn heat down a bit, let simmer for 40-45 minutes, until jam is sticky + runny to your desire
  • If you want chunks, leave as is, if not, turn off heat + blend with an immersion blender
  • Transfer to a mason jar + refrigerate
  • Meanwhile, preheat oven to 400 + heat olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add onion slice + S+P, let caramelize for 8-10 minutes, remove from pan
  • On a pizza crust, spread some jam + top with onion
  • Bake for 10 minutes or until crisp to your desire
  • Top with arugula + serve warm
  • Put a slice atop your head + run into the streets chanting “I gotta pizza on my head, but don’t call me a pizza head”

 

Fig jam adapted from here!