Cuban Black Bean + Plantain Bowls

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That’s it. I’m done doing anything nice for someone other than myself.

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Nothing good can come of it. It just comes back to bite me.

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Today, I spent a very large sum of money on a gift for my husband. A couple months ago, he came home and was like, “I need to invest in a watch. ALLLLLLL the guys have really nice watches. Like Rolexes!!!!” I told him absolutely not, no way, not happening. Watches are ridiculous and don’t matter, yada, yada. Ya know, to throw him off the scent and make him hate me for a bit until I could go behind his back and buy one.

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So we’re sitting on the couch tonight, planning our weekend, surfing the net. I’m acting totally kewl. He’s not onto me in the slightest. Then, for some reason I’ll never understand, he decides to check his email like a civilized adult. Curveball! And who has emailed him? AMEX. The biggest busybody on the credit card block, that’s who. I thought they only emailed ME to verify the purchase. What, you don’t trust me, AMEX? You have to check with my HUSBAND?! A little sexist, but we’ll deal with that another day. Garr looks at me and is like, “What is this AMEX email about possible fraudulent activity? Did you try to buy something from a jeweler?” I panic. Totally spaz out. “Umm…yeah I was just looking at rings for myself.” Yes, this IS the best I could come up with. He’s all, “What did you do, Rachel…….?” I spill my guts. Surprise ruined. I’m thinking we’ll have a good laugh, he’ll be super psyched. 0/2 today, Rach. He’s peeved I didn’t consult him before a big purchase! This tells you how often we buy gifts for each other.

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The cherry on top – “I might have exaggerated a LITTLE bit about all the guys having nice watches. I’ve maybe seen one or two.” I’M DONE, PEOPLE. I’M OUT.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 can of black beans
  • 1 white onion, diced
  • 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 2 ripe plantains, cut in 1/4 inch sliced
  • 1 tbsp. of cumin
  • 1 tbsp. of coriander
  • 1 tsp. of paprika
  • 1 tbsp. of lime juice
  • 1/4 cup of cilantro, chopped
  • 3 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste
  • Avocado, for serving
  • Brown rice, for serving

How to:

  • Heat 1 tbsp. of oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Arrange half of the plantains in an even layer, cook 2-3 minutes until slightly browned, flip + cook another 2-3 minutes, remove to a paper towel-lined plate
  • Repeat with another tbsp. of oil + plantains
  • Meanwhile, in a deep skillet heat remaining olive oil over medium heat
  • Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add garlic, cook another minute
  • Add beans + cumin + coriander + paprika + some S+P, stir to coat + cook 3-4 minutes
  • Add 1/2 cup of water + lime juice, cook another 6-7 minutes
  • Turn off heat, stir in most of the cilantro, saving some to top your bowls
  • To serve, add some brown rice to a bowl + top with beans + plantains + avocado + some more cilantro, repeat
  • Pour contents in blender + shake it all up + gulp down your exotic bean + plantain juice, a flavor sure to be coming to a smoothie store near you

 

Adapted from here!

Crispy Quinoa Burgers

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I am SO happy Game of Thrones is back!!!!

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^ A thing I have never said.

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Though I do appreciate any excuse to host a watch party so I’m here for it.

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I especially love this Kit Harrington and Emilia Clarke love story. Not because of their intense physical connection or because it’s an intriguing plot line. It’s simply because they’re both so gorgeous. People that look that way just need to be on my television screen pretending to be in love. The creators really missed the boat on not giving them more screen time, honestly. Unfortunately, the new episode brought me but a single kiss. There are a whole host of other characters I’m supposed to be invested in (Joshua Jackson, it’s nice to see you working!). Alas, I will hold out hope for a spinoff with just Kit and Emilia and their dragons and it will be a lighthearted, live studio sitcom about life in prehistoric times or something.

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My fellow watch party attendees only had to beg me to shut up and stop asking questions once, so I consider it a success.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup quinoa, uncooked
  • 1 can of cannellini beans, rinsed + drained
  • 1 onion, diced
  • 1/2 cup of panko breadcrumbs
  • 1/4 cup of cilantro, chopped
  • 1 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • 1 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 tbsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tbsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1/2 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • Lettuce, for serving
  • Tomato, for serving
  • Avocado, for serving
  • Buns, for serving

How to:

  • Toast quinoa over low-medium heat for a few minutes, stirring often
  • Cook quinoa according to package directions, drain
  • In a bowl, mash cannellini beans
  • Stir in onion + cilantro + nutritional yeast + breadcrumbs + cooked quinoa + garlic + chili powder + cumin + paprika + red pepper + S+P
  • Heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Form into patties + place 2-3 in the skillet, not overcrowding, cook for 4 minutes per side or until crispy
  • Repeat with remaining patties
  • To serve, place a patty on a bun + top with lettuce + tomato + avocado
  • Take burger in one hand, smush it between your grimy fingers + rub contents on your face in a nice war paint fashion, you are prepared to attack the rest of the burgers

 

Grits Goodness Bowl

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What kind of person does it make me that my husband got me a bunch of cleaning supplies for my birthday?

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Let’s back it up a bit. My bday was a month ago, but bub was gone and then I was traveling. Sadly, there’s been no time to celebrate the majestic birth of muah.

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I came home Monday and our bed was piled high with birthday happies.

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All of which are to aid in my second favorite hobby – cleaning the sanctuary that is my house. I got this microwave splatter helmet thing that we can use to cover up foods before we heat them so sauces and such don’t fly all willy nilly. GAME CHANGER. Then, I got these lil motorized brushes to scrub the caked on messes on the stove top. Woah nelly, where have these babies BEEN all my life?! Next came a brand new hand vacuum. Only one of the most convenient household tools in all of the world! This one with a longer lasting charge because DUH. Finally, this angry looking lil woman that you fill with vinegar & put it in the microwave to sanitize it. Like, OK, a thing I absolutely cannot live without. All to say, I have VERY big plans this weekend.

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Oh, and to complete the kewl girl birthday of 2019, a night night mumu in a cactus print.

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 1 cup of grits, uncooked
  • 1 package of tempeh, sliced in thin strips
  • 1 head of cauliflower, cut in florets
  • 1/2 lb. of brussels sprouts, halved
  • 1 package of cremini mushrooms
  • 1 bunch of kale, destemmed + roughly chopped
  • 5 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 1 tbsp. of agave
  • 2 tsp. of liquid smoke
  • 1 tsp. of hot sauce
  • 1 tsp. of cumin
  • 1 tsp. of chili powder
  • 1 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • In a bowl, combine kale + 1 tbsp. of olive oil + S+P, massage gently + set aside
  • Arrange cauliflower + brussels on 1-2 lined baking sheets (depending on your sheets) + drizzle with 1-2 tbsp. of olive oil + some S+P
  • Roast for 20 minutes, toss, roast another 15
  • Meanwhile, whisk 1 tbsp. of olive oil + soy sauce + agave + liquid smoke + hot sauce + cumin + chili powder + some S+P
  • Arrange tempeh in a flat, even layer + pour marinade on top, let sit for a few minutes
  • Heat skillet over medium heat
  • Add some tempeh slices, cooking for 3-4 minutes per side, remove + repeat with all slices
  • Then, heat last bit of olive oil in that same skillet + add mushrooms + S+P, cook for 5-6 minutes
  • Add kale + red pepper + S+P, cook another 3-4 minutes
  • Meanwhile, cook grits to package directions, once done, stir in nutritional yeast
  • To serve, pour some grits in a bowl + top with tempeh bacon + shroom/kale mix + some cauliflower + brussels sprouts
  • Using hands, scoop up some of your food + catapult it at your sweetie, then just stay seated + calm + see what happens