Blueberry Swirl Bread

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I have…run out of things to talk about….

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I usually have a funny or at least borderline entertaining anecdote to share after the weekend.

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But when you do the same thing four weekends in a row, it all starts to blur.

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I finished a puzzle. We watched Ozark. I’m reading a book. Sometimes I nap. It’s getting wild up in here, is what I’m trying to say. I really just feel like a worthless bump on a leg, quite honestly. I’d prefer to feel a little more useful while in quarantine but I have no skills. I can’t sew masks for hospital workers, I can’t provide any services to those in need. What am I good for, seriously? Do you all know of any way I can contribute to society from the comforts of my home? I need to do SOMETHING.

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I can’t keep making bread, I’m going to actually explode.

 

 

Time: 3 hours (prep + baking) | Serves: 1 loaf

Ingredients:

  • 2/3 cup of plain almond milk
  • 6 3/4 tsp. of active dry yeast
  • 1/4 cup of coconut sugar
  • 3 cups of all purpose flour
  • 1/2 tsp. of S
  • 5 tbsp. of vegan butter, softened
  • 1/2 cup of blueberry jam

How to:

  • Warm the milk in a sauce pan to 98.6-113 degrees
  • Turn off heat, stir in yeast + 1 tbsp. of sugar, let activate for 10 minutes
  • Meanwhile, combine flour + remaining sugar + S in a bowl
  • Stir in yeast mixture + softened butter
  • Mix with your hands until combined + knead for 8-10 minutes or until a dough forms
  • Place dough in a large greased bowl, cover with a dish towel + let rise for an hour
  • Place on a lightly floured surface + knead for a while longer until air is out
  • Roll out the dough to a rectangle
  • Spread with blueberry jam
  • Roll up the dough taco style (long ways)
  • Transfer to a greased baking dish
  • Obvio, it won’t fit like this, so just smash it all around, folding the dough in on top of itself, this is gonna give you your swirls
  • Cover with a dish towel + let rest another 45 minutes
  • Meanwhile, preheat oven to 355
  • Brush loaf with a lil more milk
  • Bake for 40 minutes
  • Let cool for 10 minutes before removing from pan to cool more
  • Serve warm or room temp
  • Slather a slice with a lil vegan butter + slap on face, repeat with remaining slices until totally covered in bread

 

Adapted from here!

PB + Chocolate Chip Skillet

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Give me a mic, put me in front of athletes & roll the camera.

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Because I am ready to become a sports reporter.

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I’m not sure why it’s taken me 28 long years to discover my destiny.

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Prob because I didn’t like sports until I was 25 and even then I only learned the rules like last year, but that’s neither here nor there. I went to my first NHL game this weekend. Am now a BIG hockey guy. It’s quick, it’s violent, I dig it. I just love the camaraderie at sporting events. All the strangers drinking overpriced brewskis and shouting at the top of their lungs, hoping for the same outcome. I love giving out high fives all willy nilly and becoming fast friends with the bros next to me. America, man. I think I could really provide some colorful commentary to stale ESPN and the like. All their anchors know too much, like rules and player names.  It’ll be less analyzing plays and more analyzing athlete moods and crowd energy  – the important stuff.

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Oh, and I’ll pack lil vegan treats for everyone to snack on in between plays!

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + baking) | Serves: 6-8

Ingredients:

  • 1 1/4 cup of whole wheat flour
  • 1 tsp. of baking soda
  • Pinch of S
  • 1/2 cup of vegan butter, softened
  • 1/2 cup of pure cane sugar
  • 1/2 cup of brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup of creamy PB
  • 1 tbsp. of flax meal
  • 2 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • 3/4 cup of vegan chocolate chips

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350
  • Grease a skillet with cooking spray
  • In a tiny bowl, combine flax with 3 tbsp. of warm water, mix + set aside
  • In a bowl, whisk flour + baking soda + S, set aside
  • In a mixer bowl, combine butter + sugars + PB, beat for two minutes on medium
  • Add in flax egg + vanilla extract, mix on high for a minute to get all that good good combined
  • Turn mixer on low + slowly add in dry ingredients a lil at a time until all combined
  • Turn off mixer + fold in chocolate chips
  • Spread cookie dough + pat down evenly in skillet
  • Bake 25 minutes, remove + let cool (it’ll cook more in the warm AF skillet!)
  • Cut + serve warm
  • Let it sit out on your counter + nibble on it every time you walk by + see if you can beat our household record of devouring in 5 hours

 

Adapted from here!

Lemon Tarts

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In a galaxy far, far away lives the version of myself that used to be fun.

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There was a time when I was the life of the party!

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That’s a lie, my social anxiety has always kept me from obtaining that title.

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But I could hang! I mean, in WA, Garr and I used to start a Saturday with a fab brunch & spend the next 8 hours exploring & shopping & eating & listening to live music & doing photoshoots & stumbling upon random festivals & strolling by the water. Fast forward like 1.5 years & Garr and I go to Raleigh for the day, thinking it’ll be like our wild Seattle days. NAHT. We kick things off with brunch, old faithful. Turns out, this place makes all vegan desserts. Mmkay. So we order a peanut butter pie. At 11am. MISTAKE. We immediately need to be tucked in for a nap. But we must persevere! We decide to walk around downtown and find some coffee. This helps but only momentarily. We’re fading. It’s 12:30pm. We try to shop but nothing is catching our eye. We try to stop and grab a drink at this really hip restaurant but there are no seats at the bar. The world is conspiring against us! We’re at a crossroads, we can power through or we can embrace our aging, failing bodies and ditch the downtown scene, go to Trader Joe’s and go home for a siesta. 

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Got to TJ’s in time to snag ALLLLL the cauliflower gnocchis. Holler.

 

 

Time: 3 hours (prep + baking) | Serves: 12 tarts

Ingredients:

  • 1 1/2 cups of unsweetened, shredded cocount
  • 1 cup of whole wheat flour
  • 1 tbsp. of coconut sugar
  • 1 tbsp. of brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup of coconut oil
  • 1 cup of raw almonds, soaked overnight or placed in a bowl + covered in boiling water, letting soak for 30 minutes-hour, drained
  • Juice of 2 lemons
  • 2 tbsp. of agave
  • 1 tsp. of vanilla extract
  • Pinch of turmeric
  • 1/4 cup of coconut milk
  • Pinch of S
  • Blueberries + raspberries for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 350 degrees
  • In a food processor, combine coconut + flour + sugar + 2 tbsp. of the coconut oil + the S, pulse until well combined + sticks together
  • Scoop a tbsp. of the crust mix in lined muffin tins + press flat
  • Bake for 10 minutes
  • Meanwhile, rinse out food processor
  • Add remaining coconut oil + almonds + lemon juice + agave + vanilla extract + turmeric, process + slowly pour in coconut milk, process until smooth + creamy
  • Scoop 1-2 tbsp. of lemon filling onto each crust + smooth it out
  • Freeze for 2 hours
  • Serve chilled with fruit on top
  • Take a giant bite out of a tart + smile as wide as the dent you made in it + snap a selfie with your tart + make it your profile picture

 

Adapted from here!