Apricot + Sriracha Glazed Tempeh Bowls

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Let us add skiing to the running list of activities I am incredibly dismal at.

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I did worse than even I expected of myself.

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Think inebriated baby giraffe tries to stand for the first time.

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We get to the resort, I get all suited up – my pants came with cayyutttteeeeee suspenders! I’m feelin’ myself. I don’t rent a helmet because, like, I’m not going to be doing anything crazy enough to hit my head. I get out on the powder (as we mountain people call it) and scoot in my skis a couple of times & immediately tumble to the earth. It is there I think, “you idiot, get a helmet.” So once I’m locked into noggin armor, I get back in the skis, but am now unable to move. I am, however, skilled at sliding backwards, but apparently that’s not how it works. A few minutes of that and I think, I could keep doing this or I could be in the heated lodge…….

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I found my people indoors at the hot toddy bar.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4-6

Ingredients:

  • 1 package of tempeh, cubed
  • 1 cup of apricot preserves
  • 1 tbsp. of sriracha
  • 4 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 1/3 cup of apple cider vinegar
  • 5 tbsp. of garlic, minced
  • 1 cup of edamame
  • 1/2 cup of almonds, slivered
  • 1/2 cup of green onion, diced
  • 20 wontons, cut into strips
  • 2 cups of quinoa, cooked
  • 1/4 cup of natural peanut butter
  • 1/4 cup of water
  • 2 tbsp. of rice vinegar
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Meanwhile, preheat oven to 400
  • In a bowl, combine apricot preserves + sriracha + 2 tbsp. of soy sauce + apple cider vinegar + 3 tbsp. of garlic
  • Add tempeh to the bowl + toss to coat, refrigerate until you’re ready to cook it
  • Toss wonton strips with 1 tbsp. olive oil + S+P, arrange on a lined baking sheet
  • Bake for 12-15 minutes, tossing once
  • Meanwhile, in a food processor, combine peanut butter + remaining soy sauc + remaining garlic + rice vinegar + water until thin enough to drizzle
  • Heat remaining olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add tempeh + cook for 6-7 minutes until crisp to your desire – be careful! The glaze can burn
  • To serve, combine quinoa + edamame + green onion + almonds + wontons + tempeh + drizzle with peanut sauce
  • Restrain your hands because you are going to want to slap yo mama this bowl is so good

 

Glaze adapted from here:

http://www.geniuskitchen.com/recipe/apricot-glazed-sriracha-wings-349223

& sauce:

https://www.thespruce.com/thai-peanut-sauce-3377656

Crab Cake Bennies

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I think I know how to unite our broken society.

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We need a new viral social media challenge.

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I miss the days of watching my internet pals flail as ice water is poured on their heads. The days when groups of people would stand still pretending to be mannequins while that terrible song played in the background. And let us not forget about the cinnamon challenge – a classic!

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The internet was a much happier place back then. Collectively, we were a happy-go-lucky bunch. Now we’re just a bunch of stiffs! What if we started planking again? That was a great year for me, personally. I planked on a neighbor’s trash can &, though a low point, I have no regrets. Oh, or we could start stacking the Cheerios on baby foreheads again!!!! THAT was a crowd pleaser.

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I’ll do anything just make the politics go far, far away.

 

 

Time: 12 hours (all prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

  • 8 oz. lump crab meat
  • 1/2 cup of italian breadcrumbs
  • 1/2 cup of mayo
  • 1 tbsp. of dijon
  • 1tbsp. of low sodium soy sauce
  • 1 tsp. of hot sauce
  • 1 egg, beaten
  • 1/2 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • 1 cup of polenta
  • 2 tbsp. of parmigiano-reggiano
  • 4-6 eggs for poaching
  • 1 tbsp. of white vinegar
  • Sriracha or hollandaise, for serving
  • S+P, to taste
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil

How to:

  • The night before, cook polenta according to package directions
  • Stir in parm-reg + S+P
  • Spread flat on a plastic wrap-lined baking dish + cover with another sheet of plastic wrap
  • Refrigerate over night
  • In the morning, combine crab + breadcrumbs + mayo + dijon + soy sauce + hot sauce + beaten egg + crushed red pepper + S+P
  • Cover + refrigerate for at least 20 minutes
  • Meanwhile, cut your polenta into lil circles using a round glass
  • Heat 1 tbsp. of olive oil in a skillet over medium heat
  • Add polenta cakes, cooking on each side for 4-5 minutes or until golden brown to your desire
  • Form crab mix into cakes
  • Heat other tbsp. of olive oil in the same skillet
  • Cook crab cakes on either side for 3-4 minutes or until golden to your desire
  • Bring a pot of salted water to a boil
  • Turn down the heat to a slow boil + add vinegar
  • Make a lil whirlpool + drop an already cracked egg into the center
  • Cook 3 minutes + remove with a slotted spoon + place on a paper towel-lined plate
  • Assemble bennie by placing a crab cake on top of a polenta cake, topping with a poached egg + drizzling with Sriracha
  • Smash schnoz into egg + let the yolk ooze errrrwhere

Spicy Fish Sandwiches

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I’m ready to start a collection.

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Apparently, worldly humans have a “thing” they collect. It might be coffee mugs or coins, a specific animal figurine perhaps.

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If I’m going to do it, I really want to do it right, ya know? Like, I tried the elephant figurine thing for a while, but I forgot why I started & that makes for a mega-lame collection story. I could do Titanic memorabilia but that’s so obvious. I really want to wow people with this.

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I was antiquing yesterday and was just inspired. One man had thousands and thousands of unused postcards. Each postcard was individually wrapped in cellophane and then filed in order of subject. I love filing systems! Another man had a killer stamp collection. You simply don’t know how often you might need a “fabulous” stamp. My favorite, though, was a collection of antique tiaras. Can you even imagine the damage I could have done as a child if my grandmother had a tiara collection? My school pictures would have been epic.

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I do, however, have about 18 NOW CD’s that might lay the groundwork for a serious compact disc collection….

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 6 sandwiches

Ingredients:

  • 1 pound of cod, cut into sandwich sizes
  • 1/2 head of red cabbage
  • 1 tbsp. of distilled white vinegar
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 1 cup of panko breadcrumbs
  • 1 tsp. of parsley flakes
  • 1 tsp. of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of lemon pepper
  • 1/4 cup of mayonnaise
  • 2-3 tbsp. of sriracha
  • S+P, to taste
  • Whole wheat buns
  • Cooking spray

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 425 degrees
  • Meanwhile, combine panko + parsley + garlic powder + lemon pepper + S+P in a bowl
  • Dredge cod in the panko + arrange on a lined baking sheet
  • Spray with cooking spray + bake for 20-25 minutes or until crispy + flaky
  • Meanwhile, combine cabbage + vinegar + olive oil in a bowl, set aside
  • In another bowl, combine + mayonnaise + sriracha
  • Toast buns when fish are almost done
  • To assemble, spread some sriracha mayo on a bun + lay a piece of fish down + top with slaw + other bun
  • Serve hot
  • Pretend you are in an eating competition + time yourself to see how fast you can get all of these into your puny stomach