Buffalo Chickpea Pizza

Well, it’s official.

I’m cooking the world’s largest baby.

I am supposed to have like 4.5 weeks to go.

But this baby is already 6lb 15oz. Yes, you read that right. I have a fully grown newborn in me already. Which is truly the BIGGEST blessing (literally). The best part – her head is measuring in the 99th percentile. So like tomorrow she’ll hit 100 and have the biggest baby head of all time literally ever. Like, I’m sorry, how is this child going to get out of me….. My doctor seems unconcerned, though. He’s like, yeah you’re just going to have a big baby! As if there haven’t been enough understatements of 2020.

Apparently, she does have hair, though, so that heartburn wives tale is accurate.

Time: 45 minutes (prep + cooking) | Serves: 1 pizza

Ingredients:

  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed + drained
  • 1 red bell pepper, diced
  • 1/2 red onion, diced
  • 2 cups of arugula
  • 1/4 cup of cilantro, diced
  • 1/2 cup of buffalo sauce
  • 1 cauliflower crust
  • 1 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400
  • Arrange chickpeas on a lined baking sheet + drizzle with olive oil + S+P
  • Bake 20-25 minutes, toss once in the middle
  • Once cooked, spread buffalo sauce on crust + top with chickpeas + red pepper + onion
  • Bake according to package directions
  • Remove + top with arugula + cilantro
  • Serve hot
  • As the buffalo sauce gets you sweating, just chalk it up to exercise

Avocado + Charred Corn White Pizza

fullsizeoutput_105d

Want to know how to keep the romance alive in your marriage?

fullsizeoutput_106a

I have some tried and true tips for you.

fullsizeoutput_106b

When there is an overly commercialized holiday like Valentine’s Day, first things first. At the very last minute, get each other grocery store cards featuring lil animals. Accompany the card with some candy that the other person does not want and will inevitably take to work to share with colleagues.

fullsizeoutput_106c

To fully celebrate the occasion, plan to do absolutely nothing. Less than nothing. Crawl into your hermit shells and hibernate, in fact. When you get hungry, make some homemade pizzas at like 3pm and eat them standing up at the kitchen counter. Then, go for a walk around town to work off the many carbs you just consumed. Come back home, put on your fugliest sweats and make the man watch Netflix original teen rom coms. Get in bed by 8pm – SHARP! Read a few chapters of your books. Lights out by 9pm.

fullsizeoutput_1061

Keeping it spicy!

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 1 pizza

Ingredients:

  • 1 avocado, chopped
  • 1/2 cup of corn
  • 1/2 cup of cherry tomatoes, halved
  • Handful of spinach
  • 1/2 cup of fresh basil
  • 1 cup of cashews, soaked overnight
  • 1/4 cup of unsweetened, plain almond milk
  • 2 tbsp. of all-purpose flour
  • 1 1/2 tbsp. of nutritional yeast
  • Juice of 1/2 a lemon
  • 1 tsp. of garlic powder
  • 1 tsp. of onion powder
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • S+P, to taste
  • Pizza crust of your liking (I used a cauli crust here!)

How to:

  • Pulse cashews in a food processor until nice + crumbly
  • Add milk + flour + nutritional yeast + lemon + garlic powder + onion powder + 1 tbsp. of olive oil + most of the basil, reserving a lil for topping, + S+P, process until smooth + creamy
  • Preheat oven to 425
  • In a cast-iron skillet, heat remaining olive oil over medium heat
  • Cook corn for a few minutes, charring + getting some color on those bad boys
  • Spread cashew cream on a crust + top with spinach + corn + tomatoes
  • Bake 13-15 minutes until your crust is done + your tomatoes + spinach or wilted
  • Remove + top with avocado + more basil, serve warm
  • Rub any leftover white sauce on your face + let it harden like a face mask, allowing the cashew nutrients to fully clog your pores

 

Sauce adapted from here!

Eggplant Parm Pizza

fullsizeoutput_c58

I am a zombie.

fullsizeoutput_c1c

I am walking around with glazed over eyeballs, ragged breaths and outstretched arms looking for my next victim.

fullsizeoutput_c25

By victim, I mean plush object to cuddle and nap with for 23 hours.

fullsizeoutput_c2c

I just returned home from a long work conference where I had, on average, 4 hours of sleep each night. I am fully grown adult who needs at LEAST eight hours of beauty rest to even look and act like a human being. Nine is preferable – I find the extra hour adds just the faintest glow to my complexion. By the end of the week, I was struggling to form sentences and conceal the bags under my eyes. At one point, I was going down an escalator and saw some folks I needed to connect with coming up & I proceeded to practically bark at them….but also stutter?? Like, I tried to get my point across, but the combination of no sleep and the moving staircase I was on made it tricky. Another time, I found myself riding the escalator up, only to ride it back down immediately because I forgot something, and then do it all over again. The passersby found it amusing at least. I came home and fell asleep during yoga, so really doing well on fitness goals, too.

fullsizeoutput_c51

Now why did I think it was a good idea to plan a vacation immediately after this requiring me to get up at 3:00am for a flight????

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 2 pizzas

Ingredients:

  • 2 cauliflower crusts
  • 1 eggplant, peeled + sliced in 1/4 inch thick discs
  • 1 cup of tomato sauce
  • 1/2 cup of raw cashews, soaked overnight
  • Juice of 1 lemon
  • 2 tbsp. of unsweetened almond milk
  • 1/2 of a block of firm tofu, water drained
  • 1 tbsp. of ground flax seeds
  • 1/2 tbsp. of all-purpose flour
  • 1 cup of panko
  • 1 tsp. of italian seasoning
  • 1 tsp. of oregano
  • 1/2 tsp. of crushed red pepper
  • S+P, to taste
  • Olive oil spray
  • Basil, for serving

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 400 degrees
  • Place eggplant rounds in a colander + sprinkle with salt, let drain for 20-30 minutes
  • Meanwhile, pulse cashews in food processor
  • Add lemon juice + tofu + S+P, process on high + slowly add in milk until smooth
  • Adjust seasoning to taste and place in fridge until ready to use
  • Meanwhile, combine flax seeds + 1/3 cup of water in a bowl, set aside for 10 minutes
  • Add panko + Italian seasoning + oregano + crushed red pepper + S+P to another bowl
  • Dredge eggplant disc in flax egg, then panko, place on a sprayed lined baking sheet, repeat with remaining dics
  • Bake 30 minutes, flipping once in the middle of cooking
  • Spread the crusts with tomato sauce + top with eggplant slices + tofu ricotta
  • Bake another 10 minutes
  • Serve warm with basil
  • Fold a slice like a lil pizza boat + swim it right down your cavernous gullet

 

Adapted from here!