Eggplant BLTAs


OK, OK, I’ll tell you about my toes.


I just don’t really have any….


I mean, I have ten ~things~ on the ends of my feet but I’m not sure you can call them toes.


Let’s set the scene: My big toe and baby toe are the only normal-sized ones. Think the rockstar hand symbol. The second and third lil piggies are webbed. I like to think of them as being on their own plateau. Half of the webbed duo, toe #3, is the smallest one. The nail on this one is about the size of your average food crumb, I’d say. Both feet are identical. It’s a medical miracle, honestly. I used to avoid sandals as much as possible cause evil peeps would make fun. Then I started telling people that I was born toe-less so they cut some off of a dead baby and sewed them on me. That shut ’em up.


I would include a visual but you might gouge your eyes out and forever lose your appetite.



Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 4 sandwiches


  • 1 eggplant, peeled + sliced thin on a mandolin
  • 2 tbsp. of olive oil
  • 2 tbsp. of soy sauce
  • 1 tbsp. of Worcestershire
  • 1 tbsp. of honey
  • 1 tbsp. of liquid smoke
  • 1 tsp. of smoked paprika
  • 1 tsp. of garlic powder
  • S+P, to taste
  • 1/4 cup of vegan mayo
  • 2 tbsp. of sriracha
  • Avocado, for serving
  • Tomato, for serving
  • Lettuce, for serving
  • Sourdough bread, toasted

How to:

  • Preheat oven to 225 degrees
  • In a bowl, combine olive oil + soy sauce + Worcestershire + honey + liquid smoke + paprika +garlic powder + S+P
  • Arrange eggplant slices on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet
  • Spread some of the sauce onto each slice, flip + spread on other side
  • Bake for 30 minutes or until crisp
  • Meanwhile, combine mayo + sriracha
  • To serve, spread sriracha mayo on two slices of bread + on one slice add lettuce + tomato + avo + eggplant bacon + top with mayo side of the other slice
  • Serve this to your sweetie at a summer picnic + see if he still talks to you



Bacon adapted from here!


13 thoughts on “Eggplant BLTAs

  1. woodboneandstone says:

    My sympathies regarding the toes. You must be related to my wife.
    I have got to try the eggplant bacon thing. Sounds a lot more appealing than the usual mushy results. I foresee eggplant sandwiches for lunch tomorrow.


  2. Osyth says:

    Feet are hugely over-rated anyway. I’ve only ever seen one pair of feet that had me mesmerized by their beauty. At the US embassy in Paris actually but she had a face like a warthog so I didn’t develop a full girl crush.


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