That’s it. I’m done doing anything nice for someone other than myself.

Nothing good can come of it. It just comes back to bite me.

Today, I spent a very large sum of money on a gift for my husband. A couple months ago, he came home and was like, “I need to invest in a watch. ALLLLLLL the guys have really nice watches. Like Rolexes!!!!” I told him absolutely not, no way, not happening. Watches are ridiculous and don’t matter, yada, yada. Ya know, to throw him off the scent and make him hate me for a bit until I could go behind his back and buy one.

So we’re sitting on the couch tonight, planning our weekend, surfing the net. I’m acting totally kewl. He’s not onto me in the slightest. Then, for some reason I’ll never understand, he decides to check his email like a civilized adult. Curveball! And who has emailed him? AMEX. The biggest busybody on the credit card block, that’s who. I thought they only emailed ME to verify the purchase. What, you don’t trust me, AMEX? You have to check with my HUSBAND?! A little sexist, but we’ll deal with that another day. Garr looks at me and is like, “What is this AMEX email about possible fraudulent activity? Did you try to buy something from a jeweler?” I panic. Totally spaz out. “Umm…yeah I was just looking at rings for myself.” Yes, this IS the best I could come up with. He’s all, “What did you do, Rachel…….?” I spill my guts. Surprise ruined. I’m thinking we’ll have a good laugh, he’ll be super psyched. 0/2 today, Rach. He’s peeved I didn’t consult him before a big purchase! This tells you how often we buy gifts for each other.

The cherry on top – “I might have exaggerated a LITTLE bit about all the guys having nice watches. I’ve maybe seen one or two.” I’M DONE, PEOPLE. I’M OUT.

 

 

Time: 1 hour (prep + cooking) | Serves: 3-4

Ingredients:

• 1 can of black beans
• 1 white onion, diced
• 2 tbsp. of garlic, minced
• 2 ripe plantains, cut in 1/4 inch sliced
• 1 tbsp. of cumin
• 1 tbsp. of coriander
• 1 tsp. of paprika
• 1 tbsp. of lime juice
• 1/4 cup of cilantro, chopped
• 3 tbsp. of olive oil
• S+P, to taste
• Avocado, for serving
• Brown rice, for serving

How to:

• Heat 1 tbsp. of oil in a skillet over medium heat
• Arrange half of the plantains in an even layer, cook 2-3 minutes until slightly browned, flip + cook another 2-3 minutes, remove to a paper towel-lined plate
• Repeat with another tbsp. of oil + plantains
• Meanwhile, in a deep skillet heat remaining olive oil over medium heat
• Add onion + S+P, cook 3-4 minutes
• Add garlic, cook another minute
• Add beans + cumin + coriander + paprika + some S+P, stir to coat + cook 3-4 minutes
• Add 1/2 cup of water + lime juice, cook another 6-7 minutes
• Turn off heat, stir in most of the cilantro, saving some to top your bowls
• To serve, add some brown rice to a bowl + top with beans + plantains + avocado + some more cilantro, repeat
• Pour contents in blender + shake it all up + gulp down your exotic bean + plantain juice, a flavor sure to be coming to a smoothie store near you

 

Adapted from here!